Hello friends and strangers,
It's been hard for me to find a natural voice on this blog. I've been having a bad conscience for not writing and at the same time not wanting to write just to say something.
So why did I want a blog in the first place?
Well ...
First of all I love the attention. That's a no-brainer. Positive attention rocks and negative attention sucks. The thing with attention is you have to take a chance. If you turn my head, it has to be worthwhile.
Second, sometimes I have an idea, which I'd like to share. Mainly to give you a chance to say: "That's a brilliant f**king idea!". Or maybe: "Oh my god, where have you been all my life, I will fund that shit for sure if you build it". That sort of stuff.
Third: Sometimes I have a feeling, which screams for an outlet. Sometimes the feeling has many layers. Sometimes it's anger or boredom or frustration and I'm looking for some comfort. Often, when I let the resistance towards that feeling go, another one emerges instead. This feeling usually comes with an insight and a strong feeling of gratitude. In this state I often feel like hugging the whole world. And I remember something, because I know this feeling, I've been here before. This is where I was before I started collecting problems. This feeling of emptiness and infinite potential feels, first like an old thing forgotten and then like something that is right here right now, has always been and always will be, beyond time.
If, in this state, I have no problems with a single living being, then this is where I'd like to be as close to all-the-time as possible. For me, the best way to re-discover this place has been to accept the truth of how I feel by expressing it. Because expression of emotion often often sets off emotion in others too, it is often unwelcomed if unexpected. Therefore it is helpful to create a space, where emotion is welcomed and where everyone present can enjoy the cleansing feeling that comes with a good cry or an unstoppable laugh and the deep feeling of togetherness that comes when I realize everyone else, too, is vulnerable. I call this kind of activity "circle work", because it is often being done in a circle, and the feeling of equality and support that sitting or standing in a circle conveys, is the foundation for all of it.
During the last 5 years, I've explored different kinds of circle work in Sweden, Denmark, Italy, Holland, India and Australia, and it's the most meaningful stuff I know of. If there is anything you would like to know about this kind of activity, feel free to ask. Or if you want to check in and share your present mood, that too makes me happy. The truth is always welcome here.
Well, for starters, this one was worth turning my head. I can not speak for others but I imagine that anyone who read that was quite impressed how well you put it. So much for the attention part. Suck it all in. And if you have any good tips on how to enjoy the pleasure of recognition more than for a short while please share, because to me, feeding the hunger of narcissism is like trying to fill a hole in the sand with water. Very soon it is back again even bigger than before.
ReplyDeleteSince I am not going to fund your great ideas yet I will jump straight to your third point about expressing and achieving feelings. Especially the feeling you described, going from frustration, anger or boredom to a wonderful state of insight and peace of mind. And the desire to achieve that feeling again and again, or ultimately, continuously.
This Circle Work sounds interesting and if you have been exploring it for 5 years you are probably on to something. There are many ways of expressing feelings and directly sharing with other people is probably the strongest way for many.
I have learned to reach that feeling of insight in my ways. Different people probably have different ways but what works for me is as simple as creating space for myself. And start by doing nothing and having nothing on the agenda and minimize the sources of interruption.
Then slowly, it starts to happen. You realize that you are free and your mind starts thinking creatively. For me it often results in very pleasant days with a good flow and a stunning productiveness, be it creative things or daily household stuff. I do a lot. But it starts with doing nothing. And ends up in a painting or a writing or something that brought you closer to yourself.
And the frustration is gone because you just scratched the world with your little fingers. You just lived.
Wow, sweet.. That's a really nice picture you painted on creating the space. I want to try that as soon as possible, to prepare with care. Oooh, the impatience. I can feel it already. It's certainly something easily neglected for me: care, when it comes to preparing stuff for myself.
ReplyDeleteHow did you find that? The starting-by-doing-nothing-thing?
Thanks my friend, this comment made my day!